Timeout please. I cant hold it back anymore.
I tried to sleep earlier last night I thought sleeping early could just means that everything will be better sooner. & I have to meet Diyana(L) in school earlier too. That moment of silence in bed just killed me.
I woke up with a swollen eyes, no double eyelids and f puffy eyes. Thank god it wasnt that obvious after I bathed. I took a deep breath in, held back my tears and went off to school.
"LIEN YOU MUST NOT CRY. YOU KNOW YOU ARE STRONG."
I kept that playing on repeat in my mind....
I thought today would just be like any other day if I continue wearing that smile on my face. Everytime I tried to smile be it sucessful or not, it just killed me inside even more badly. The more I try the I fail. I just want to be alone,because I am afraid of showing people my emotional side. But when I am alone, I am so scared I cant take it anymore and just ended it where it is.
I rang ahma up last night. She's prolly the only one who understands me and the situation the most now and always. She said I was too soft-hearted and always allowing shit that jerks throw to affect me so badly. I once swore to myself that I would just kill those "jerks-leaders" just for revenge. But how much would that turn back the time and return whats rightfully belong to us? For now, I just wish for everything to stay in place and stop changing for the worst.
Went off with kenneth, daniel, xinyi, jenny, sylvia{sorry I missed out your name}, sean, kahkit and john for movie. I was too scared to be alone and was seeking for some other stuffs to occupy my mind then. Horror movie, good for distracting unwanted thoughts. I dread bus ride alone today. I broke down on the bus and I hope nobody noticed. No wonder they say chocolates makes great comfort food.
Thank those who have been there for me today. Especially Xinyi, Sean, Jenny and Diyana(she never fails to make me smile =] ) and also those people who went to the movie.
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