Yes I admit, I am not as expressive now as I am after that period. People change. People like you and me. Remember how you would send me good morning and goodnight texts no what matter, even it would risk you getting caught and costing you your weekends. Now you just don't do goodnight texts. Good morning, yes still, but a few minor times you didn't.
I AM NOT COMPLAINING. AND I MEAN IT.
I know you are busy, I know you are tired, I know you said goodnight on the phone already, and I know you dont have unlimited text so its gonna cost you alot. I don't know if I am just getting too used to being understanding or making up excuses for you again.
When asked, you once told me cause you said it on the phone already. Fine.
But do you remember, before we were together, you would send me goodnight messages even after we hang up?
And do you remember, before we were together, you would send me goodnight messages no matter how dead beat that you would shut down any moment?
And did you realised? We are not texting not as much now as compared to that time. Not even half as much. Sometimes it like you have forgotten about my text/me.
Now it turns out to be me, sending you one every night without fail. If not you will be disappointed and ask me why. I know how bad that feel - to get used to something and then its gone slowly.
I had a hard time having to overcome the habit of reading your goodnight text. Don't get me start on it again okay?
With goodnight messages gone now and lesser texting, one of the best time of my day would most probably be in the morning, when you wake up and send me one. It has become one of my worst and best habit that I even set up an alarm just to wake myself up to see it and go back to sleep. Silly enough yet I like it that way.
But sometimes, I get disappointed. That very moment, I remind myself that I can't be too demanding.
I AM STILL NOT COMPLAINING. I am just saying that people do change(most of the time according to circumstances). I am afraid of people leaving. Being care-less and less expressive cause just reduce any hurt and damage if anything happens. I am so afraid of speaking anything when I get emotional. I am so afraid of being so me, phrasing the correct words, incorrectly. So now I think thru even I speak, but most of the time, I couldn't phrase it correctly so I remained silent.
You said you can't feel the feelings I have for you earlier on. You told you dont want to regret your decision. What can I say? Sometimes I feel that I really can't love you the way you want me to love you. But this doesn't mean I dont love with you all I have you know, boy? I know I am not the best, but believe me, I am still trying my best to be your best.
Quote from tumblr:
"Sometimes relationship sour because one stops doing the things you do to get the person."
"Sometimes relationship sour because one stops doing the things you do to get the person."
The point of this post is just to vent out some emotions. Not to spite you or put you down. I don't think it will even do so, cause you dont even read my blog at all.
Disclaimer: Some of you might even think I am making a big deal out of such a small matter(texting), then I say you dont understand. I have school, and he have NS. Our communication channel would only be thru TEXTING and calling. Get it now?
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